The Stats Are In.
If you’re reading this, I assume you’re either a man or a woman. (And if you aren’t, then why are you reading my blog?)
One of the most popular articles on my blog, amicably titled “How to Tell Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight,” has over 100,000 views. That’s 100,000 individuals who either clicked on it because they wanted to know how to tell their girlfriends to lose weight or because it gave them a chuckle. (Which is great!)
If you’re looking for advice on how to talk to your girlfriend about her weight, read on.
Don’t Do It Over Coffee.
When someone offers me coffee, I generally decline the offer. (At least, I try to. Sometimes it goes down in flames.)
You see, when someone offers me coffee, it’s usually a sign that they want to talk to me. And when someone wants to talk to me, my first inclination is to avoid them. (Unless, of course, they’re offering me a massage. In which case, I’d be more than happy to accept.)
So what am I saying? Don’t do it over coffee.
When I have a relationship with a woman, I generally prefer to do it somewhere else. Like a park. Or a café. Or a bar. (Yes, I am deliberately avoiding talking about sex. But that’s a story for another time.)
Make It Clear On Why You’re Asking.
Let’s be honest. Sometimes, when your girlfriend doesn’t want to lose weight, it’s because she genuinely doesn’t see herself as fat. (Even though she might.)
This can cause problems when you’ve decided that she needs to. (In my experience, women hate to be told “you’re” anything. Especially when it comes to their weight.)
If you’re looking to motivate your girlfriend to lose weight, start by being her friend first. (I think “be a friend to your girlfriend first, and a boyfriend afterwards” says it better than I could.)
Then, when you think that she’s ready, gently suggest that she should lose some weight. (Or, at least, try to lose some weight. You know, for her health.)
If this is something that she really doesn’t want to talk about, then it might be a good idea to not bring it up. (Unless, of course, you want to talk about sex. In which case, I highly suggest that you do so now.)
Be Careful With How You Say It.
When you want to tell your girlfriend to lose weight, please make sure that you’re saying it in a way that she’ll understand. (Unless, of course, you want to talk about sex. In which case, I highly suggest that you do so now.)
If you want to be an effective motivator, you have to make sure that you’re saying it in a way that she’ll listen to you. And, hopefully, act on what you’re saying. (Which, again, she may not want to do. Unless, of course, you want to talk about sex. In which case, I highly suggest that you do so now.)
Put Yourself In Her Shoes.
If you want to be an effective motivator, put yourself in your girlfriend’s shoes. (Or, at least, try to. I’m not really good at this.)
Instead of telling her that she needs to lose weight, tell her what it is that she might want or need to do. (If she’s unhappy with her body, for example, and you’re suggesting that she lose weight, you’re probably not going to get very far. Just be her friend first.)
By doing this, you’re putting yourself in the position of a friend, which makes it a lot easier to talk to her about personal issues. (And, hopefully, be more effective at getting her to comply with your requests. Especially since, at this point, you’re acting as a friend. Which is, in itself, a pretty good argument for being her friend.)
Use Her Triggers.
Just because your girlfriend doesn’t want to lose weight doesn’t mean that there aren’t things that could help her to change. (For example, she could join a gym and start working out.)
But, in order to get her to comply with your requests, you need to know what it is that makes her tick. (Or, at least, try to. I’m not really good at this.)
Ask her questions about her body. (Make sure to ask “tricky” questions – the kind that only she can answer.) If she doesn’t want to talk about it, ask her why. (Which, again, might not be what you want to do. Especially since, as her friend, you’re presumably trying to be helpful.)
By doing this, you’re not only putting yourself in the position of a friend, but you’re also allowing her to open up to you. (And, hopefully, being more receptive to your suggestions.)
Make It Personal.
If you really want to be an effective motivator, make it personal. (I can’t tell you how many times, when I’ve tried to motivate someone, it’s gone wrong. It usually results in an argument. Or, at least, a bad feeling. Which is completely avoidable. If you want to be effective, do it personal.)
For example, if you’re trying to get your girlfriend to lose weight, instead of saying “you need to lose weight,” say “I want to lose weight, too. (Or, at least, try to. I’m not really good at this.)”
By doing this, you’re not only putting yourself in the position of a friend, but you’re also connecting on a personal level. (Which, again, can be very effective in getting her to comply with your requests. Especially since, at this point, she’s not only listening to you, but she’s also connecting with you. And, hopefully, being more receptive to your suggestions.)
Be Brave.
Finally, don’t be afraid to be brave. (I think “be brave” is one of the most effective slogans ever.) (Or, at least, try to. I’m not really good at this.)
When your girlfriend doesn’t want to lose weight, it can sometimes feel like you’re not connecting with her in a meaningful way. (Which, again, can be very frustrating. Especially since, at this point, you’re both friends.)
But being brave can open up the doors to a whole new world of communication and connection. (Even if it’s just for a few moments.)
With a little bit of brave attitude, you might be able to convince your girlfriend to lose weight. (Just watch out for those slippery slopes. You know, the ones that seem like a good idea at the time. But, later, when you’re not expecting it, you might end up in a bit of a pickle. If any of these apply to you, maybe it’s time to take a step back and be a bit more cautious.)
Even if she doesn’t end up changing her mind and decides to keep her weight, you’ll at least both go away with a new vibe. (And, hopefully, a new understanding. That is, if you want to be effective.)
So, there you have it. (Or, at least, there I have it. Your turn.)
Just remember: your girlfriend is not your property. (Or, at least, try to. I’m not really good at this.) You’re both adults. And this is a decision that you both need to make. (However, you might want to discuss it first. Just to make sure that you’re not putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Or, at least, make sure that you’re both on the same page.)